I have waited to write this blog for a while now. I have been thinking through what it means to be truthful in writing this but also finding the balance between what is helpful and hurtful to share in a forum such as this. In preparation for coming to Germany I read many blogs from former and current RAs and frequently was astounded by their eloquence, honesty, and profoundness. Every time I have sat down to write this post what has come out is none of those things. It has been hard for me to share my experience in a way that is not just a jumble of thoughts and emotions. So, let me prepare you by saying that this was not easy for me to write and if I fall short of being eloquent and profound, give me grace, perhaps this is something that will come with more time. I have officially been in Germany for almost three months now and in a lot of ways my life feels normal, settled, and to be honest, ordinary. Just when I fully believe that my life here is ordinary or normal I wake up and look out my window only to see the sunrise over the Black Forest or end up in a conversation with someone that reminds me that this life I am living, that my students are living, is far from ordinary. This has brought a lot of thoughts, emotions, and rich conversations... that lead to more questions and thoughts and emotions. I think the reality of the stage of life I am in right now is that there is no way to sum it up in words. Some may call it transition or resettling but I honestly don't know what I would call it. All I know is that I feel so overjoyed to be in this place with these people and yet I often find myself distracted. I am thinking of people, places, and things that are not here with me or I am so consumed by the details of my life here that it seems like nothing else matters. I wish I could move all of my family and friends here because I want them all to understand what it feels like to walk through the forest while it is raining or what it is like at lunch prep when my students are playing music, dancing, eating a sandwich, and laughing (in case you were wondering, it is often loud and always spectacular). I want to share with people this treasure I have found and always seem to fall short at conveying the fullness and richness of this to people. I want to share my emotions as well as my experiences though. My 8am gratitude as I watch my staff and students eat breakfast together. My 1pm frustration because I can't seem to do anything right in transition. My 3pm tears as I realize that where I hung my cork board is not right and I feel like it is the biggest deal in the world which only makes me cry more because it is just a cork board after all. My 7pm joy as students are swirling around the house laughing, doing chores, doing homework, and occasionally dancing. My 11pm exhaustion after finally getting everyone in their rooms and ready for bed. I guess what I am trying to say is that this is messy. There is so much beauty in this transition right now but there are also frustrating lows and confusing plateaus. This is a day by day situation in which God is shaping me, working in and through me, and reminding me of who He is. Ultimately, what I have been led to in this time is that my definition of success is lacking in so many ways, there is always time to go for a walk, if you want a dorm full of students to sing you only need to play some Disney music, you can never have too many cookies, and even in the mess God's love, grace, and glory always shines through. So if you want to know how my first couple of months is going I will probably just say good because in all honesty how do you sum up the most rewarding, challenging, exciting, utterly messy thing of your life this far in just one or two words? Always, Megan
3 Comments
Amber
10/26/2019 07:43:20 pm
Thank for sharing your life Megan. I am in awe of what you are doing and all you are learning in the process. I love you sweet girl!
Reply
Karl Pedroni
10/27/2019 05:56:03 am
Thank you for sharing your journey Megan! I am constantly amazed at the young woman you have become and your willingness to go wherever God wants to take you. I am so proud of you! I love you!
Reply
Donna Jestice
10/27/2019 10:46:33 am
Megan, You are so authentic and our prayers are with you and all the changes you are making. May you continue to grow in thoughts and actions.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
About MeI am a daughter of the king just trying to figure out the world. I am embarking on a new adventure come August and I could not be more excited! Thank you for stopping by, I hope you find something you like! CategoriesArchives
June 2020
|